Twelve signs a parent needs help at home, and how to bring it up
Most families notice something is off long before they act. This is the list, and the conversation that follows it.
Holidays are when adult children notice. Thanksgiving in Roseville with a parent you have not seen since spring, and the house smells different, the refrigerator is nearly empty and Dad has told the same story three times. Here are the signs we hear about most, grouped by where you will see them.
In the kitchen
- Expired food, very little fresh food, or the same few items bought repeatedly.
- Weight loss, or clothes that suddenly fit loosely.
- Burned pans or a burner left on.
In the bathroom and bedroom
- Infrequent bathing or the same clothes worn for days.
- Bruises, especially on forearms and shins, which usually mean falls or near-falls.
- Medication bottles that are too full or too empty for the date on the label.
In the mail and on the phone
- Unopened mail, late notices, or checks written to unfamiliar companies.
- Phone calls that are shorter, repetitive or unusually confused in the late afternoon.
- Missed appointments or a doctor's office calling you instead of your parent.
In their world
- Dropping out of church, clubs, the gym or a standing lunch.
- New dents on the car or reluctance to drive at night.
- A spouse who looks exhausted and says everything is fine.
How to bring it up
Do not open with 'you need help.' Open with one specific problem and a specific offer. 'Dad, the drive to Kaiser for your appointments is a lot. What if someone came Tuesday mornings to take you and do the grocery run afterward?' Frame the caregiver as help with a task, not as a judgment about capability. Ask what would make life easier rather than what is going wrong. And if you can, have the conversation in person, at their kitchen table, not on a holiday afternoon with the whole family watching.
If you want a neutral third party, a free in-home assessment is a low-pressure way to start. Many of our clients agreed to 'a visit from Carly' long before they agreed to 'a caregiver.'
This guide is general information from a licensed non-medical home care agency in Roseville, California. It is not legal, financial or medical advice. Written by the Home Care by Athena team.